The Proactive Person

Bro. Clifford Martis, a Vincentian from Bangalore

 

Source: Mr. Joyce Fernando

 

 

We believe in helping people. In fact, we are, in general, help a lot. Aren't we? If any body makes a request to us for some or the other help we do extend a helping hand. But how about helping people on our own, i.e. even without a formal request from others? How will it feel if we can see the needs or difficulties of other people and on our own initiative offer to help them? Such spontaneous action is called the Proactive Approach. Such disposition makes us truly caring and empathetic persons.

 

We come across many situations where we find that there are opportunities to help people. Let us think of those who wish to help and like to help but who do not think of pleasure of helping by taking the initiative themselves.

 

Think of some occasions like where there is an auto rickshaw strike in the city. As a result city bus stands are overcrowded. How many people stop their two wheelers or four wheelers and offer to take some of the waiting people at least? We often find a person going up and down the street in front of our house. It looks as if he is searching for some house. Do we ask him," Sir, are you searching for a house or someone? “Or we leave it to him to take initiative and ask for our help if he requires it? Some people feel that there is no need to take such initiative. If they want something they will ask for it to us. Won’t they? This is what they feel. Perhaps they are right. But when you sense that someone is in some need and your heart goes out to that person and you volunteer to help, such help is of a deeper, nobler kind.

 

On a certain occasion we could see that all the seats - gents' and ladies' were occupied in a bus. One single lady was standing near the driver looking the front. When the bus stopped one of the ladies who was seated, got down. No one got in. The bus moved forward and the lady who was standing continued in that position. Could the lady who got down have indicated to the standing passenger that a seat - her seat - had fallen vacant?

 

A common instance where we can use the Proactive Approach is when we get a telephone call which is a “Wrong number ". Most people brusquely say, ' Wrong Number “and unceremoniously put the phone down. Those who are a little more considerate might ask, “What number do you want?” But there are some, though few, who ask a few more friendly questions and try to see whether some method can be found to help the other person. 

 

The Proactive Approach can make life more enjoyable in many ways. Sometime back I read a touching story, which shows to what extend a person can go on the Proactive Approach. In a remote area there were two patients in a hospital room. Both of them were bedridden. But one of them was allowed to sit up for about an hour in the day and look out of the single window, which was near his bed. During these short intervals of sitting up he would describe what he saw to the other patient who would listen with keen interest. He would describe the plants, the trees, the birds and the other animals. Sometimes he would mention clouds and rain and at other times the bright sunshine. This narration of the beauty and music of nature would gladden the heart of the other person. One day, however, this patient died in his sleep. The other patient pleaded that he may be allowed to occupy that man's bed near the window and the permission was granted. With Herculean effort he propped himself up till he could look out of the window and what does he see? Nothing but a blank wall! He called the nurse and told her how the other patient used to describe the beauty of the nature to him in such vivid terms. ”How could he do that?" exclaimed the surprised matron, “The man was stark blind!”

 

A very special occasion to show the proactive initiative arises when someone who has hurt you realises his or her fault and tries to apologise and make amends. She has not yet come to the stage of saying sorry but it is clear from her behaviour and body language that she wants to makeup. What can we do in such a case? Wait for her to acknowledge her fault and ask for our forgiveness or behave in such a way that it becomes easy for her to make amends.

 

Another great occasion for showing the proactive attitude is in praising and appreciating people for their good deeds. There are many instances where we like and appreciate what people do. We feel happy and pleased heart of hearts. We may even mention our appreciation to other (i.e., not the person concerned but someone else). But do we praise the person who made us happy or in whom we found the good quality or the good behaviour? If we find that the city bus conductor is extremely courteous and helpful, especially to old people, we definitely feel a glow of appreciation in our hearts. But the point is whether we keep the feeling to ourselves or make an enthusiastic mention of it to the conductor. If we take the initiative and praise the persons who do well we would succeed in spreading happiness in a large measure.

 

But a question arises whether it is always safe to adopt the proactive approach? Is it possible that sometimes the others may resent our initiatives and even indicate that we better minded our own business? Well, such things are possible. There is no doubt about it. We hear of conmen who deceive others. But the point is, do we have to stop being proactive and helpful just because someone somewhere deceived someone else?

 

There are many ways in which the Proactive Approach can be applied. Not merely in helping people, but, also in other ways like volunteering to take up community services like The Society of St. Vincent de Paul, pointing things out for the benefit of civic administrators and writing letters to the editors of newspapers and in many other ways. The Proactive Attitude can be used in various walks of life to help ourselves enjoy fuller and happier lives.